One Lucky Lady

I promise to tackle the complex topic of chastity and orgasm control shortly.  But Ill be honest that I need to think through some things on that and want to give it the appropriate consideration.  In the interim, there is one topic for which I need no thought or preparation.  And that is on why I love my husband. As much as this blog is about my own journey or thinking through the complexities of our bourgeoning FLR, it is also about his, ours and that of our family.  I feel it would not do justice to the intent of this blog to gloss over my beautiful partner and just have him be in the background.  So this particular post is much less about a FLR and much more about the incredible gift of the man that loves me and became stronger in me leading our family.  

He clearly has been posting, and may even do a guest appearance at some point, but for now--to truly understand me or this, you have to understand our love.  I have posted before that we met in college. Many years ago, and in what probably was a fledgling form of an FLR--albeit a harsher one of sorts. I was slightly older and had reservations about people knowing or it getting too "serious," given the impending graduation.  I regret every second of not just embracing us.  I loved him, but I am certain I was terrible about showing that.  And he went along with it because he loved me too.  He actually reminded me our first kiss was him kneeling on the side of my bed in a dorm room.  I guess we should have known then!

Fast forward two failing marriages and a decade of wondering who we had become, when we reconnected.  Within five minutes of talking at a lunch full of people we had known forever, he knew something was disastrously wrong with me.  It was actually before I really realized I needed to be divorced, but he knew that I was no longer the woman I once had been.  I had been with various people all weekend--close friends who months later when I disclosed the impending divorce--were shocked and had no idea there was even anything wrong.  And that  is exactly my point--this man could see me in five minutes and know I was no longer who I had been and how badly I had strayed from that person I once was, before I honestly even realized it myself.  He had nothing to do with any of it of course (just putting that issue to bed).  I needed to get a divorce for many, many reasons and both my ex and I knew that on some level. But we had a kid so we were making it work, until the point it was irreparably broken (which was at least a year before said reconnection and involves some things no one can get over).  

Anyway, he was there for me as a friend only for a long time.  And then I realized one day I was still so powerfully in love with this man.  And so I told him.  And magically, he still loved me too and sacrificed much to make that love a reality.  And we have struggled with making it work with geographic issues or just the realities of our life, but our love has never ever waned.  It has always been this epically powerful kind of love.  I tell him sometimes I think we were split from the same whole--filling in each other's cracks and just generally finding ways to understand the other person on a primal level.  As ridiculously hokey as this sounds, we were made for each other.  [Side note: his taste in music is terrible, and he loves him some pop rock so he will appreciate characterizing this in some of teeny bop notion of being made for each other.]

This is not to say we do not have struggles or difficulties, but the love that is our foundation is too powerful to ever ignore.  We, like many in this world, have had some bad stretches.   But, part of what is so interesting about this journey is just how far we have come in a relatively short period of time.  And how distant and far away those rough patches seem.  And, perhaps most importantly, that this experience and really trying to find a way to live a FLR has helped with that.  

He mentioned today he was thanking the various men who had posted a link to this blog on their blog or otherwise had particularly kind things to say about me or this.  And as I sat at my desk being annoyed by everyone around me, I glowed with some pride.  I did not tell him to do this (I would not have ever thought of it), but he did it because he felt it was important to be respectful to me by being respectful to others who were kind.  It was an amazing moment.  

When I realized how much he loves this aspect of our life--me in charge or as an authority figure, but also in making me happy, better or otherwise making my life easier--it just reinforced the feeling I have always had that he is the love of my life and the only person I could ever take this journey with. Our life has really changed so dramatically. He is more active as a partner in our life than ever before, we both function better and we just have deepened a bond I was not sure could ever be deeper.  And I just thought he deserved to have that written about him, just as the other aspects of our life are on display in some form or another in this forum.  

We also had a conversation about me being good at being in charge, or vice versa re him. And all I could think is that I am better because of you.  Just as that is all he could think too.  Maybe its circular logic, but it doesn't really matter.  He is just magic and his gift of surrender or submission (however you style it) is priceless and so so very important for me to nurture in the best way for our family.  

I hope for each of you out there that you find this same beauty and peace, either in your dominance, your submission/surrender or in your relationship more generally.  That your spouse or partner is the person who is best suited for your particular needs, and that you find joy in whatever type of relationship you are in.  For us, I am pretty sure it is this.  We really were always kind of just searching for each other and the more true versions of ourselves that are only brought out by each other.