Today I wanted to draw on some of the topics we previously discussed--keeping this up when life, children or the unexpected intervenes--and explore how this works when you are not physically in the same place. We have previously discussed that it is sometimes difficult to keep this up when life is just life. Either figuring out how to introduce the chain of command to your children, and making sure their father remains respected, but not undermining the overall female authority, or navigating through the times when it is unclear as to whether more or less authority is needed based on the surrounding noise and complications. There is no clear cut answer to any of these issues, and I suspect each relationship tackles them differently.
Some of the best pieces of advice or commentary on this blog have suggested (1) making a decision is the best policy; (2) treating this like a chain of command either in a military or workplace analogy; (3) keeping love and respect at the forefront; and (4) maintaining both dominance and control as much as possible to avoid inconsistency are core tenets of making this work. Of course these are somewhat amorphous in actual application, but they generally are good things to keep in mind. One area that is harder to fit in these particular principles is that of travel and physical distance.
As readers may know, my husband and I travel with some frequency. This creates challenges in that we are not always physically together and often spend longer blocks many state lines apart; raising the added complication of differing time zones. For me, the distance makes it harder to feel in control or making sure he feels my authority, as my oversight is more limited. We keep up on the decision making deferred to me and other key elements of this, but it is done via email or phone. We also have some rituals like texting in the morning where we affirm our commitment to this arrangement and will FaceTime to be able to see each other live, but there is just something different when not face to face. When I travel, he packs and unpacks me so I can see that he put thought into where I am and what I am doing. I do not do this for him, but it is a nice connection for me.
No matter the effort, there is always a few days of readjusting and reacclimating to this style of living. I do not place many controls on his time when he is with me or not with me--i.e., I do not regulate what he reads or does or who he speaks to really. I do like to be informed and he must ask permission before anything impacts our time or in messaging to certain people, but otherwise he has the ability to carry on his life as necessary; particularly when I am not there. This is our particular dynamic, and I know others may have more or less degrees of control. Perhaps more control of activity when away would help, but that seems out of place with our typical dynamic. So in my typical rock rolling fashion, I wonder with frequency how to manage this not only with the realities of life, but also that of distance.
Now that I have told you what we do, I am curious as to any of you who travel or your partner travels, and how you deal with this distance? Do you have special rituals either while away or on return home? Do you exert more control (or wish more was exerted) when not physically in the same place? As submissives, do you enjoy the ostensible greater freedom or would you prefer more limits in place? And what would those be? What is it that you crave when physical presence is impossible?
Having a husband who travels for business creates a special set of issues. It has always been my feeling that the later the hour the more tendency for a man to find trouble. In past years my husband traveled primarily in the lower forty eight states. Unless there was a business function the rule was for him to return to the hotel room immediately after dinner. He would furnish me with a phone number and room number where he could be contacted for the remainder of the evening. This helped to insure that he would not leave the room without permission. Today, mobile phones can be programed to allow a monitor to track the location of the user. This is very helpful tool.
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings about not wanting to be overly intrusive into your husband's contacts. This may be fine during business hours. After hours it is best to know what a man is doing, and whom he is doing it with. It is not that you don't trust him, but men will do things that are inappropriate when they believe a wife no longer cares. Trust is fine, but verification is better. Men who are truly submissive appreciate a wife who checks up on them. The other control feature that makes life easier is money. Allow him a certain amount of cash at the beginning of a trip. Have him account for it at the end of the trip. All other purchases should be on the credit card where you can see them. Make sure there are no other credit cards in his name.
Have a personal credit report ran every so often. In my experience credit cards will appear on these reports. And yes, if he turns in an expense account to his employer have him furnish you with a copy of it. Years ago, when my husband cheated, it was the company expense account that gave him the resources to pay a dominatrix. He was paid so much per mile for driving his personal car, he was reimbursed for entertainment and travel. All of this went on our personal cards while the reimbursement check was cashed. The cash then went to his dominatrix.
For the last few years my husband's travels have been in Europe-six or seven time zones away. This creates entirely different sets of issues. In this case all you can do is trust and hope that his training keeps him in line. What I am about to say may seem strange. There is a good part to not being able to excerpt control in certain instances. After being away for a week or two my husband misses the feeling of being under my thumb. Please excuse this comparison, but it is like a pet dog who jumps the fence for want of freedom. In an hour or two it is back at the front door yearning for love, affection, and it's food bowl. Submissive men are much the same.
From time to time they may want the taste of freedom. Once they have that little taste they want to be back on the leash with the wife holding the other end.
Love, Kathy
Thanks, Kathy. Thats a great idea re the cash and the increased monitoring. I hope you are well.
DeleteApparently you travel more than we do but both of us do travel regularly and our DD relationship travels with us. We have found that apart for any long period it is important returning home to affirm her authority as well as monitor my fidelity to her rules. If I am traveling I must call every night and she expects me to report any misbehavior that day (violation of her explicit rules). Oddly I find self-reporting difficult at home but easier on the road maybe because the consequences are not imminent. If she is traveling the drill is similar but she makes the call. When the traveler returns home we have a “behavior review” that day or the next depending on timing and schedules. Any misbehavior reported during travel is reviewed and I get a chance to own up to anything not reported without incurring extra punishment. Probably about half of the behavior reviews result in a punishment being scheduled (the longer the trip the more likely this is to happen). Under our current practice, she doesn’t punish the day of the behavior review to encourage me to be complete and truthful about my behavior. But the longest she has waited is probably three days and usually it’s the next day. This process does take some time for both of us and we earlier experimented with less structured “homecomings” but felt they didn’t really work. Like many DD couples we continue to experiment but the behavior reviews do work for us and we use them regularly (twice a month) in addition to returning from travel
ReplyDeleteAlan
Thanks, Alan. The idea of self-reporting is great. And I certainly agree knowing where he is at all times is important. Does your wife use any monitoring tools like your phone? Does it help you to have a punishment when you return to get you back into the swing or only if deserved?
DeleteOnly the phone while I am traveling. She did monitor masturbation with spot checks years ago but no longer.To be honest I would prefer a welcome home spanking even a severe one when we are reunited to reinforce her authority rather than the more embarrassing behavior review which drags it out. This is so especially when I am in trouble and know it. But she insists on the behavior review and I admit it does insure I have to confront bad behavior and that problems don't get missed in the rush to return to normal life at home
DeleteAlan
Ms Rhiannon,
ReplyDeleteWe do not normally spend the time apart you describe, at least not in several years.
We have a ranch and are around each other on and off each day. Though there are days when we will be apart all day. It is these days that I will experience some of what you are speaking of and need/want to feel more of her dominance /control. For us on these days, texting seems to be the best (flirting, orders, reporting on my accomplishments and whereabouts, sexting, etc.). There does need to be a sense of closeness and control, yes more control when we are apart. Though our times apart usually only runs for most of the day, it is out of our norm. I do not enjoy the "greater freedom" when she is not around and I do prefer more limits to be in place, as those limits are a show of her control.
Thanks, DLsKnight.
ReplyDeleteI am kept as a house-husband and personal servant, and I rarely travel. My Mistress travels at times as part of her work, and when she does, I usually find myself experiencing once again an old conflict. On one hand, I love being a regular guy, free to come and go as I please. On the other, I love being submissive and acting as slave to my Goddess -- a relationship I only dreamed about most of my life. Hands down I prefer the latter, and when she is away we do certain things to keep my focus not on myself but on my owner. First, my Mistress is careful to leave a list of chores to keep me especially busy. Another important thing is ritual. I have a shrine to my Goddess where I light candles and kneel several times a day. This fits well with my personal faith, which centers around the Divine Feminine, and especially the Divine Feminine that resides in my Goddess. I literally worship her. Finally, when she is away I spend time reading about Female led relationships and Female Supremacy. Doing so keeps my thoughts properly aligned, with my status as slave in the forefront. I'm one of those guys who finds such thoughts erotic, and because I am not allowed sexual release except under her hand, such readings replicate some of the sexual tension I live with daily when my Mistress is at home. To date I have not cheated -- REALLY!! I SWEAR!! -- because I'm at a point in life when I much prefer longing and frustration to the empty feeling that happens after release. Frustration makes my chores easier, too, and it makes punishments easier to take. And it keeps me very very much in love! Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- and worshipful abstinence does, too!
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