One Lucky Lady

I promise to tackle the complex topic of chastity and orgasm control shortly.  But Ill be honest that I need to think through some things on that and want to give it the appropriate consideration.  In the interim, there is one topic for which I need no thought or preparation.  And that is on why I love my husband. As much as this blog is about my own journey or thinking through the complexities of our bourgeoning FLR, it is also about his, ours and that of our family.  I feel it would not do justice to the intent of this blog to gloss over my beautiful partner and just have him be in the background.  So this particular post is much less about a FLR and much more about the incredible gift of the man that loves me and became stronger in me leading our family.  

He clearly has been posting, and may even do a guest appearance at some point, but for now--to truly understand me or this, you have to understand our love.  I have posted before that we met in college. Many years ago, and in what probably was a fledgling form of an FLR--albeit a harsher one of sorts. I was slightly older and had reservations about people knowing or it getting too "serious," given the impending graduation.  I regret every second of not just embracing us.  I loved him, but I am certain I was terrible about showing that.  And he went along with it because he loved me too.  He actually reminded me our first kiss was him kneeling on the side of my bed in a dorm room.  I guess we should have known then!

Fast forward two failing marriages and a decade of wondering who we had become, when we reconnected.  Within five minutes of talking at a lunch full of people we had known forever, he knew something was disastrously wrong with me.  It was actually before I really realized I needed to be divorced, but he knew that I was no longer the woman I once had been.  I had been with various people all weekend--close friends who months later when I disclosed the impending divorce--were shocked and had no idea there was even anything wrong.  And that  is exactly my point--this man could see me in five minutes and know I was no longer who I had been and how badly I had strayed from that person I once was, before I honestly even realized it myself.  He had nothing to do with any of it of course (just putting that issue to bed).  I needed to get a divorce for many, many reasons and both my ex and I knew that on some level. But we had a kid so we were making it work, until the point it was irreparably broken (which was at least a year before said reconnection and involves some things no one can get over).  

Anyway, he was there for me as a friend only for a long time.  And then I realized one day I was still so powerfully in love with this man.  And so I told him.  And magically, he still loved me too and sacrificed much to make that love a reality.  And we have struggled with making it work with geographic issues or just the realities of our life, but our love has never ever waned.  It has always been this epically powerful kind of love.  I tell him sometimes I think we were split from the same whole--filling in each other's cracks and just generally finding ways to understand the other person on a primal level.  As ridiculously hokey as this sounds, we were made for each other.  [Side note: his taste in music is terrible, and he loves him some pop rock so he will appreciate characterizing this in some of teeny bop notion of being made for each other.]

This is not to say we do not have struggles or difficulties, but the love that is our foundation is too powerful to ever ignore.  We, like many in this world, have had some bad stretches.   But, part of what is so interesting about this journey is just how far we have come in a relatively short period of time.  And how distant and far away those rough patches seem.  And, perhaps most importantly, that this experience and really trying to find a way to live a FLR has helped with that.  

He mentioned today he was thanking the various men who had posted a link to this blog on their blog or otherwise had particularly kind things to say about me or this.  And as I sat at my desk being annoyed by everyone around me, I glowed with some pride.  I did not tell him to do this (I would not have ever thought of it), but he did it because he felt it was important to be respectful to me by being respectful to others who were kind.  It was an amazing moment.  

When I realized how much he loves this aspect of our life--me in charge or as an authority figure, but also in making me happy, better or otherwise making my life easier--it just reinforced the feeling I have always had that he is the love of my life and the only person I could ever take this journey with. Our life has really changed so dramatically. He is more active as a partner in our life than ever before, we both function better and we just have deepened a bond I was not sure could ever be deeper.  And I just thought he deserved to have that written about him, just as the other aspects of our life are on display in some form or another in this forum.  

We also had a conversation about me being good at being in charge, or vice versa re him. And all I could think is that I am better because of you.  Just as that is all he could think too.  Maybe its circular logic, but it doesn't really matter.  He is just magic and his gift of surrender or submission (however you style it) is priceless and so so very important for me to nurture in the best way for our family.  

I hope for each of you out there that you find this same beauty and peace, either in your dominance, your submission/surrender or in your relationship more generally.  That your spouse or partner is the person who is best suited for your particular needs, and that you find joy in whatever type of relationship you are in.  For us, I am pretty sure it is this.  We really were always kind of just searching for each other and the more true versions of ourselves that are only brought out by each other.  

On The Ever Complicated Topic Of Discipline

In reading through the comments and thinking about what might be an interesting topic, I saw two themes developing that I think we should explore together.  I will deal with them separately, much as I love jam packing blog posts with one bajillion thoughts and statements.  Although, as I reread this, it is an epic one.  Grab a seat. I apparently have much to say on this tonight.  Each of these topics seems to deserve its own attention, and I expect may generate more opinion, perspective and thought than maybe others I have written on in my very short blogging time.

The topic that seems to emerge either impliedly or explicitly is discipline, which this post will focus on, and the second is orgasm control or male chastity more generally.  I will attack that after we see how this goes.

I am not--like pretty much like everything else I am writing on--any sort of expert, theorist nor snake oil salesman who wants to sell you a bill of goods on any of this.  It is simply the chronicle of my/our journey, and an attempt to address topics that I found frightening, interesting and immensely complicated when I first started looking at this as a choice.  I simply present this as such and will let you draw your own conclusion or take what you will from it.

I expect opinions, feelings and sentiments will vary widely on these topics.  As I have said before, and will likely repeat ad nauseum, there is not one path for everyone nor one way that makes this real, true or pure--at least from my perspective.  I will also preface that I am not trying to generalize as to anything or ascribe a point of view to any particular group- but me continuing to say "in my opinion" or the like probably will spawn a hilarious drinking game where everyone ends up in trouble.  So I will just assume that because we are all adults and this is a blog, that you know this is my opinion rather than some form of larger credo or form of gospel.  And so with my massive disclaimers, let us discuss.

As one of our charming contributors pointed out, there is often a divide between a FLR and more traditional Domestic Discipline.  While I have read that many in femdom or FLR use corporal punishment either in sex or as part of discipline, there are also an equal number that seem to prefer not to use it.  Coming up with other forms of discipline or behavior correction such as corner time, extra chores, a stern or disapproving warning or the like.  There also seem to be many in a DD relationship that do not really subscribe to the larger assumption of authority by a female outside of the specific and agreed upon behaviors to be corrected.

I find it surprising there does not seem to much overlap between these two areas--particularly where, as one contributor pointed out, giving your spouse the ability to correct or manage certain behaviors is--at least for that area--an exchange of some form of power.  I have no skin in the game of which one is better, right or works for you.  I sincerely hope that whatever relationship you are in absolutely works for you, and brings you joy and happiness.  If these topics do not, I understand and will mix it up with some bad Greek myth references in the next weeks.

Anyway, in first looking at all of this however long ago, I realized I had no real sense of how to discipline or punish.  I certainly understood the accountability aspect and that if I set expectations or required certain services, behavior or actions, there had to be some form of consequence should such not occur in the manner I wanted.  Unfortunately, the actual carrying out of this amorphous accountability was not just in my wheel house.

Much as I wish my glowering stare could inspire immediate contrition, that is just not realistic.  And my go to move of correcting some behavior I did not like with my ex was basically screaming, long periods of stony silence or some really awesome moves like jumping out of a car (it was mostly stopped).  So here I sat--searching different blogs and trying to understand even the basic difference between discipline, punishment and the different theories, thoughts and methods behind it.  While also trying desperately to find something I could live with and feel ok about.

I got lost in several different things to say the least and vacillated between thinking I should buy eight canes to be used nonstop or work on that glowering stare and have that be the end of it.  And as I read different examples of what people did or how people were disciplined or punished for specific things or in certain instances, I understood even less about what would work for me.  So came the great up and downhill rock rolling of what kind of discipline, should it be corporal, can I do that, should I do it severely, what do I do when that is not tied to the issue, and on an on an on.

But really, as with everything about this, it is a personal journey and you have to find what works for you.  And sometimes it is one thing, and other times it is something else, and sometimes we just do the best we can.

So with all of that prefatory rambling out of the way, here is where we started and what we do.  If you don't want to know or disagree with anything I have said, thanks for stopping by and I hope something else I will say is more of your liking later.

My sweet husband and I have enjoyed some form of spanking kink for while.  He is really the only person I could explore that aspect with for whatever reason (probably because he is just magic).  We would throw it into our sex life on occasion and always some form of great role play.  I fancied myself a switch, which really meant that sometimes I just wanted to be a naughty girl under her Big Daddy's hand (things just got interesting, right?!) or more typically, a woman in serious charge.  He also claimed the same, but as I said to him a few months ago, it was really more than he knew I liked that on occasion and was willing to provide that to me.  The idea of spanking him as a punishment really never crossed my mind.

Then, as things kind of turned into me always being in charge in the bedroom and it started to creep into the rest of our life and we realized we had not switched in a really, really long time, we both realized maybe things had changed in our dynamic generally and I raised how he would feel about being spanked as a punishment.  I certainly do not think he loves it, but I also think there is something to the immediacy of it and the ability to wipe the slate clean.  It is not drawn out, it is different than anything else we do, and then it is over.  I will also be clear that this rarely comes up actually.  I loathe it and I am sure he does too.  It is very different than anything else we do--different room, different implements, different demeanor, and really only for certain very, very specific things. I also genuinely think it is so much less about it being a more painful experience physically than him knowing how much I hate it and wanting to avoid that rather than the pain itself.

But as we decided that punishment spankings were reserved for pretty limited things, I (again) rock rolled about what the hell to do about everything else.  I told Dan--Disciplined Hubby that I was trying a punishment fits the crime approach.  To some extent that is true, but what is the appropriate punishment for not specifically carrying out something I asked (especially when it is the product of two households, in two different states, really demanding jobs and a mess of tiny children)? Corner time? Going to the store to get the thing he forget (this one I do)? Washing his mouth out with soap (which I get if there is some sass involved)? Enemas (No thanks)? ETC....I literally have no clue.

So we implemented the concept of a more frequent spanking.  Not at all a punishment spanking but not pure play either.  I have specific instruments I use (and which I have an excellent source I love) and there is a whole ritual that goes along with it.  And what we have both discovered is that is satisfies a whole series of things that I think works for us.  He likes it because it is a physical reinforcement of my authority (much like men who are caged might feel?), we each find some way of releasing stress, sharpening focus and being centered to our relationship (which DtBHC specifically raised in a comment is what he gets from it so apparently we are not alone) and it also kind of addresses some of the small things that we let go with a reminder he wants to be good and obedient when he feels that lasting sting during the day, and is also a little fun.  So that's pretty much our mainstay.  With specific offenses meriting a much less fun trip to the home office, and the in between either getting wrapped up in the maintenance discipline or addressed separately.

I also had a beautiful paddle made that he is responsible for putting in my purse when we go out. It is a small, custom hairbrush in purple wood with my initials. I fully expect I will never have to use it, as he is a delight in social settings, but it is there as a reminder that I could. And so this part of what we do I think is our particular physical manifestation of my authority beyond me just kind of being assertive, expecting his service and otherwise being in charge. It is a specific way to remind each of us who is in charge.  Not really the physical act per se or the pain associated (even if minimally), but the idea he just submits to me when I say and that I am the final arbiter of any behavior I wish to correct--anywhere, any time.

The day to day discipline or correction is honestly more what I struggle with.  The right (drinking game go) Balance to correct but not turn me into a school marm.  If anyone has insight about what works for them in the day to day, I'd love to hear (just as I would generally re your thoughts as to this topic).  He rarely needs it but I feel like I want to have some canned reactions to specific issues so at least I can be swift and efficient, and not leave him feeling like one day he gets punished for something that I let go two days later because I don't have time to deal with it or I just don't know what to do.

Anyway, this is clearly a tip of the iceberg type post....as I think we can all agree whatever form discipline takes in a FLR (corporal or otherwise), it clearly factors in and is likely something we should discuss as this little blog continues.

So there we are fellow readers....Let me hear you.

The Search For Balance: Unicorn, Task of Sisyphus Or Reality?

First, I want to say a tremendous thank you to each person who has contributed, posted my blog as a link (assuming that is even the right terminology!) or otherwise just been so positive about this little endeavor.  If I failed to reply to an individual comment, it is unintentional. I had a weird day where all I wanted to do was tell a specific male client exactly what he could do with his snark and disrespect, but I digress.  Or the dude who almost bowled me over in trying to get out of the elevator like it was on fire--I mean, come on. FLR or not, let's at least be moderately respectful of my six inch heels and not literally push me back by the force of your unnecessarily dramatic exit.  Again, a digression I am sure will be a post shortly.

One of the themes I struggle with in my own mind has come out in several comments.  This concept of balance and how to achieve it.  On the one hand, I have read several posts or blogs where men seem to just want more dominance, more control, more expressions of authority.  I certainly understand that conundrum--they are asking to serve and to be submissive, and need a woman who can take that on and give them the clarity and clear expectations they seek. And, frankly respect of the choice they have made.  It is both beautiful and daunting.

On the other hand, I find myself wondering sometimes how the hell to do that in practical terms. What is the right balance between being in charge and taking the decision fatigue away from your partner (while also having the comfort in the clarity/authority of your own decision making), but feeling like you are not just telling him what to do or, more worrisome, colossally making some form of a scarring mistake.  It is my point in referencing the mythical punishment of just rolling a huge ball up the hill to watch it roll down again, and then back up the hill......Sometimes that is how I feel this internal mind struggle of mine would look if put to imagery. Or maybe wrapping around axles for you gearheads.

As my beautiful husband pointed out when we were talking about this earlier today (and he discovered my blog), adding more to my plate by making me micromanage him doesn't really address what we are trying to do--find ways for him to actively help and contribute that allow me the freedom to lead.  There is such a beautiful gift in a man's submission and I know that he wants me to be ultimately in charge.

Someone saying to you, I love you and trust you to lead me is its own unicorn of sorts (what many women (or men--Not trying to exclude anyone!) would dream of), but I at least would be straight up lying if I said I was not wondering how I can ever measure up to such an incredible gift and the true effort that needs to go into such nurturing.  So therein lies the great debate.  How to lead and give the beautiful man who offers to support you in all ways the authority and clarity he needs from you without being a micromanager or somehow failing him in this and what he clearly needs or has asked for, and which you may or may not even understand yourself. {Please forgive the inherently rambling sentences}

I am not sure I yet know the answer, and I worry sometimes that even asking how he is or what he is feeling or where he wants to come out on something that I am somehow shirking my responsibilities to take ownership of the decision(s).  It really is not that. I genuinely want to know what he wants, needs or feels so I can develop the best strategy for our seemingly increasingly complicated life.  I want to make sure I am considering all the options and making him feel respected and heard.  But, then the worry creeps in. Am I being assertive enough? Am I showing him he can trust me? Am I giving him the control and dominance/authority he seems to want/should expect from me? Or am I just backdooring the same kind of no, you decide, as long as it is what I want (but which I will totally not tell you), from which we both fled in previous marriages.

So this is my struggle.  In finding balance between giving him the authority he craves and has asked for, and in being confident in my ability to truly lead, with the overlay of fear that I may make him feel inconsequential or just generally hurt him emotionally in some irreparable way by my choices (see earlier post re childish flouncing).  I said in response to a comment earlier, that I think this grayer area is the hardest to navigate.  Simply controlling all choice, or giving up all choice, is easier in some respects, but it is not what I wish to have. So I continue to search for the right, and possibly mythical, unicorn of balance.

In the event you may be a dominant partner who is reading this and struggling with this same thing, fear not! At least one other person faces this minute by minute.  Submissive husbands/partners, I say to you that I also get it and respect it.  And I am hopeful with all of the amazing voices that have already started to contribute that we can all start to articulate answers to what are clearly amorphous issues, and both generalized and specific struggles.  Submissive men, please share too....I am fascinated by what you may really want when you say I need or want more control or authority or dominance--please, please share specifically if you can.  Dominant women, speak of how you deal with what I hope is not just a struggle for me.

But, maybe the search for balance is neither mythical beast nor rock rolling, but something that can be achieved with hard work and dedication to your relationship.

Please keep sharing and contributing.  The feeling of isolation that can come from starting out with this, particularly when you do not have friends or fellow submissives or dominants with whom to share live can be daunting.  I remember re-reading specific posts of particularly poignant words and thinking, ok, maybe this is possible in my sphere of comfort, and reading them time and time again to make them less ethereal.  Many of the posts on blogs I highlighted brought me a sense of peace and normalcy I guess.  I'll just hope I can offer even a shred of that to my reading audience.

This can be a world of love, respect and a strengthening of an emotional bond that I never even thought possible.  But it is a struggle, at least for me.  A daily inquiry into what I am doing and what I can best do to lead us certainly comes up in spades, but it is a journey in which I believe is wholeheartedly worth both the investment and investigation to figure out how to do it (mostly) right. Or at least fake it until I make it.

Thoughts, comments, questions, etc. welcome.  And thank you all for the support. It is immeasurably comforting.

Being More Accountable

I was speaking with my best friend yesterday, and who is the only person (other than all of you) with whom I have shared this particular aspect of our life.  She and I are very different in certain respects but our personalities in many ways are also very similar. As we were discussing this, I suggested she think about it for herself. And, in fact, was probably already doing it without realizing it.  Her partner is older and this would be a second marriage for him.  He seeks her counsel on everything from dealing with his children who are older and struggling more with his divorce than expected, to finances to general career path type issues.  They are in the gray space my husband and I were in where he seems to want your input and overarching design, but then has some hand wringing about it because he still feels like he has to make the ultimate choice.  I suggested as we were talking, that she should just raise the concept of her outwardly taking on more of the decision making and take away some of the struggle in being indecisive.

As I said to her, I am not sure all women or all men are suited for this.  I am not a believer that women are inherently superior or better at making decisions. I respect that others may have that opinion or even the contrary, but it is just not my belief.  What I do subscribe to, though, is that in certain relationships and at least in mine, that we are better suited to allow me to lead.  He has naturally submissive tendencies and wants to serve me and our family in the best and most productive means possible. That, plus me being naturally dominant in certain respects, means this works for us. But I could only lead in this manner with my husband, just as I know he could really only submit to me.  My closest friend I think also shares some of those qualities as it relates to her relationship and I am hopeful she may look at the benefit of this.

In any event, that conversation sparked my thoughts about this entry.  As I was trying to articulate how things had gotten so much better since we started this, I realized two things.  One, submission is not about simply yielding control.  It is complex and complicated, and requires a trust that the dominant partner will not just exercise control or authority in his or her best interest alone.  There are many men who can just take orders or women who can just give them, but I think the distinguishing factor about the FLR I want to have is that the decision making or control is only a part of it.  That he can expect me to be accountable to our relationship by also acting with love and in the best interest of our family.  It is not just that I expect to be obeyed in all decisions or otherwise...I do, but there has to be more to it. I have to also be acting in a way that is best for us as a whole so he wants to and can feel safe in the submission.  I am not trying to ascribe an ideology to any person, as I understand each submissive male may see submission differently or a dominant Woman may likewise disagree with what I am saying.  That is the nature of discussions and I am interested to hear from people who agree, disagree, etc., as this is a complex topic and it is endlessly interesting for me to see how this manifests for others.

The second thing I realized from this conversation was also the change in me from starting this.  As I was thinking about his accountability to me or my general responsibility to be mindful of the overall path, I also realized that I am accountable to him by needing to really think through my actions.  I was a person who flounced out of rooms when I was pissed. It is a style I developed with my ex husband as well so it is hard to not just get up and slam a door when I am upset about something.  However, I did that more recently in the heat of a discussion about something I did not like, and the impact was so different than it had been before.  I left him confused and sad, and feeling like he did not know what to do. I felt AWFUL (once I had recovered from my flounce).  I just had not really thought through how that simple act would feel to him in this new arrangement.  How isolating it was or how unsure it would leave him.  So I resolved that I have to think through what I am doing, why I am angry or what decision I might make in a given moment with more depth than ever before.  For me, this part is the most difficult--in being a strategic and long term thinker to make sure that I have considered everything in making a decision and to make sure that I am clear in what I want, need or hold him accountable for.

This is the hardest part in certain respects--being accountable to the bigger path.  Understanding how to set clear expectations, ensure he is being held to them but also figuring out how to always make sure expectations or decisions are clear.  No one is perfect and a FLR certainly does not solve it all, but at least by taking an extra second (on most occasions) to think about the impact of my choice or action certainly has brought positive changes for me too.  But it is the part I worry most about, without question.  I hope to figure out how to know I am appropriately balancing clarity and my authority and not leaving him feeling like I either A) do not know what I am doing or B) not being dominant enough or nurturing enough of the submission I know he wants to truly give.

Is Any Marriage Ever Really Equal?

As I have said, this is a newer concept for us.  But what is new is not really the idea that one person is more in control than another, but rather that there is an open acknowledgment of it.  I think that is the critical distinction that actually helped me wrap my mind around this when we first started discussing it.  It seemed like such a change. A huge shift in how I had always thought I wanted a marriage to be- one of total equality.  The reality though, is that I am not sure any relationship can really be like that.

In most households, one or the other person makes more money. That usually leads to that person having a (even if slightly) bigger say in how money is spent.  Or one parent may choose to stay home, which makes the house and children more of his or her domain.  There is also the more subtle forms of control in the sense of emotional responses to things.  Is a decision really equal when you use some form of influence to get what you think is best? Either acting passive aggressively or shouting louder or generally just finding a way to make your voice louder? Or that often you are thinking generally of what is best for your family anyway and so may sacrifice something you need or want to make the better choice in the long run.  In my experience, and certainly in my first marriage, this led to confusion.  Who was in charge of which part, whether I or he could get what we thought was best by screaming louder or acting in a way to force the other person to do what either of us thought was best anyway.

So while the concept of a FLR can seem revolutionary, alternative or controlling, I am just not convinced that it has to be.  I know there are various degrees (and which is true of any relationship), but it seems to me that openly acknowledging that one person has the ultimate decision making authority is actually much simpler than trying to make a decision on a case by case basis.  It also takes out the element of surprise for the other partner. The "hey, you did what I wanted but it did not turn out how I planned and now I blame you for not telling me we needed to do something different."  I lived with a lot of that before, as did my husband, and it is exhausting and destructive.  It certainly destroyed both of our first marriages and left us both wishing for more clarity or peace in a marriage.

Different individuals have made the point that being older or second marriages may be more susceptible to this type of relationship.  I do not disagree at all.  The time I was on my own and my default head of household provided the opportunity to realize that not only could I take care of myself and my family, but I was pretty good at it.  I managed to be a professional and a mother, as well as a sister, friend, aunt and still get the bills paid and the house in order.  It is not easy. And having a partner is much better to divide and identify which person's strengths are better suited for specific tasks.  It also was terrifying when I first got divorced. My ex always took care of everything so suddenly literally the act of paying a bill was something I had to do. I was overwhelmed and worried and then I just did it.  (Have to love auto pay).  But my point is that even if it is not a second marriage or even if there is trepidation in taking on more responsibility, it certainly is possible.  It may not be for all women or men, but there is some incredible benefit to just saying I can do this and for me, realizing I had done parts of this either in my previous marriage or relationships since by acting a certain way to get what I want, made this easier to conceptualize.  In reality, it is much easier to just be open and clear about my expectations or what I want.  And I expect my husband to be an active participant.  I will take ultimate responsibility for any decision, but he needs to be involved for the most part.

I will share our structure of decision making, which seems to be a hybrid of different methods. If anyone does the same thing or has their own experience on this he or she would like to share, please share!  We have three different levels of sorts. Things that I really do not feel strongly about (what we might have for dinner a particular night), I will ask his opinion and let him know I do not feel strongly.  The trick with this one is I actually have to make sure I do not care because I do not think it is fair to say, whatever you want. Oh, just kidding.  That (and which I am sure will be another blog post) is probably the hardest as a female in this--figuring out what you actually want because your man deserves clarity from you.  So then he can say what he wants to do or thinks and I will usually go with it.  On the middle level, I have a particular position but I ask his first and expect he will be honest with me. We discuss it and he is able to make his case or take whatever position he wants. I consider it and use it to make the decision I think is best.  In the third case, there is no discussion and it is just what I think is best.  I try to reserve the latter for specific issues that I know he may be clouded on or where there really isn't any other choice, but I think these different levels help him to feel active and a contributing member of our household but still be certain in my ultimate authority.

I am curious as to people who do it differently though. Are there men out there who would be confused by that and prefer just to be told what to do in all ways? Women who run this differently and find ways to have a contributing partner differently? If you want to share, please comment!

Starting Out

I have never blogged before.  I only very recently even started posting comments that were not Anonymous on blogs that I have been following.  But, in thinking about the different challenges a semi-new Female Led Relationship brings, and in appreciating several blogs that deal with these issues in heartfelt and emotional ways, I thought maybe it was time to try this out. We will see whether this ends as a wholly failed experiment in my ability to be articulate or interesting.

To this point, all of the blogs I have followed speak to me in different ways. There is a traditional F/m domestic discipline blog that I like to read because it addresses the disciplinary aspect of this in a frank and engaging manner. It is also more of a cooperative community of sharing ideas and thoughts that is particularly appealing.  There are a few male submissive blogs I follow because it is important for me to understand the feelings behind this on the other side and to have some level of comfort that taking control as a female is, in real and genuine ways, something that can bring simplicity, joy, intimacy and/or peace.  I also follow a Mistress blog that is so beautifully about love and respect that I could not help but feel better about this choice when my husband raised it.  What is so amazing as this progresses is how different each person's take is in these communities, and what works for some and not others.

In the very beginning I was trying to read everything I could and certain things turned me off or made me wonder if I could or should really do this.  But, as I explored more, I began to see that there are so many benefits of this and so many different ways to construct it that you can create exactly what works for you.

So that's where I am. In the midst of trying to figure out what is right and best, and sometimes struggling with either being ultimately in charge and whether the manner in which I am leading is truly best for our family.  It must be difficult in many ways to be a submissive male, but it is also difficult to be a Mistress or a Female leader.  My generation is one of greater equality for women, but I know even in my professional life, women (including myself) can still be haunted by being bitchy or aggressive when we really are just doing our jobs.  So retraining the mind and not feeling like I am just adding more to his plate or being a bitch is hard.  It is also hard to make the choices. To really think about being in charge, the impact my actions have on my husband and to strive with everything to make the best decisions I can.

I do not know anyone else personally who admits to being in a FLR.  So the online community is particularly helpful because it can be discussed in relative anonymity and by extension, honesty.  My work and life demands may make this too difficult to follow through on, but in searching to find the right path, I thought I might just give this a try.

If you are so inclined, please feel free to comment or help start a discussion on what I think is a very important topic and a (kind of surprisingly) peaceful and loving way of life.  The simplicity in certain ways of an FLR is fantastic.