Hello all....It has been a surprisingly long time, but a new job and various family and life commitments have just kind of taken over. I had some time to myself this morning, and after catching up on my favorite blogs, thought it might be time to dive back in.
Apparently trying to take on a Herculean task in my foray back to the blogging world, I figured I would take a pass at trying to figure out the best way to find your own version of "what is the point." And I wrote that, then trashed it because it is really a reiteration of what I have already discovered. This is a Hydra. It constantly evolves, and while there are some fundamental guide points, it is so unique and different for each couple and at each phase of their lives, that there is no real answer to that question; or at least not one that is constant.
So instead, I am going to focus on the part of this that trips me up the most. The day to day. I am a person who likes the tangible and concrete. I love specific examples and particular scenarios to kind of find a baseline and then be able to apply it. I have found that is far less possible in a FLR than I first thought. I had hoped that once I decided to lead, and he to follow, that it would kind of just work like that. I would give commands and set expectations, and he would follow them and provide his active participation as requested. And we would have an established system related to consequences that would set our life on a clear and regulated path.
So much for that pipe dream. In some ways, I find that trying to fit it into a neat package just does not work. The overarching goals or intent is helpful as a guide, but cannot really answer the question of what the particular point is or how to deal in the day to day. I worry constantly that I am not providing enough consistency, accountability or consequence in the days or weeks that get clogged up with work or other life demands, and then feel as if I am constantly trying to reinvent what we do to make it have a point and fit within a construct of what this should be. It can be paralyzing and lead to a whole bunch of WTF are we doing,
I struggle most with figuring out what I really want and not constantly being on top of this--which is maybe something that happens after time, but in its infancy, a FLR needs more parameters around it. We tend to get into a good rhythm, with my husband taking over the household running aspects, somewhat regular discipline and accountability and me leading rather than asking. But that decently well run machine has flaws and I do not always say what I want or set the clearest of expectations. It is my own fault and a plan I need to recommit to in order to keep him feeling safe in his submission.
I really do need to address the day to day and not just kind of rely on the general construct to get us through. Given this is my particular rolling of the rock up and down a hill, I am interested to hear from you (male, female, dominant or submissive) as to how the day to day works for you. To that end, also happy to entertain other topics for discussion, as much of my delay tends to be lack of ideas and the time to come up with them. Come on team FLR, let's share and figure this out together.