Saturday, January 16, 2016

To Cage Or Not To Cage?

It seems that every time I post it begins with a lament of my lack of recent posting. My hope is that followers loyal to this blog will keep reading even when I am slacking on posting. But life is busy and I am human.  I also encourage commenters to suggest topics to discuss, as sometimes I am just literally at a loss for words.

Tonight's entry sprung from a real world situation with a good friend, who knows little about this type of life we lead or that I am anything but relatively vanilla.  She, rather unfortunately, experienced a serious betrayal by her man.  And by serious, I mean serious.  They are not in a FLR, though she makes most decisions and is the clear breadwinner.  It seems they have just not taken the crucial step of verbally acknowledging who is in charge.  This is somewhat irrelevant but just confirms my theory that most relationships have a dominant that is unrecognized between the parties but the relationship would likely benefit greatly if that simple step was taken.  Slightly as an aside, but critical to my overarching message, just admit who is in charge. Things are much simpler that way.

In their story, she is hurt deeply by what he has done and he has vowed to do anything to repair it. She struggles with being able to find a way to trust him and not constantly have to monitor him. When she asked what I thought about that, I (admittedly out of nowhere) suggested she propose a cage.  Readers of this blog know I have yet to tackle this subject or to really express an opinion on this subject.   As with most things in my blog, if that is what you do, then do it and good on you.  But for me, I have never really decided whether I think it would work and struggle with the bigger picture benefit we would get from it.

For her, there are clear sexual indiscretions that need to be addressed.  In that circumstance, a cage seems absolutely the course to go to fix it.  It serves the purpose of keeping a literal lock on his junk and making sure he is not using it outside the home. It also gives her a way to feel secure and know she can trust him without endlessly agonizing over where he is or what he is doing. I get that completely.  In my situation, I often wonder as to its usefulness.  My husband is loyal to me sexually and otherwise, and he has given up his sexual freedom (personally or with others) by our marriage and particular brand of what we do.

Yet, many men who are not sexually disloyal or would willing give up personal satisfaction if his Mistress required still have a cage.  So it raises the question of what that particular act does to strengthen this type of relationship. If my husband agrees to be my submissive in all ways, and I tell him not to masturbate, what separate benefit exists? Perhaps it is feeling owned all the time.  But my husband also has a collar that he cannot take off.  That acts as his reminder that he belongs solely to me and must remember the tenets we made.  Is a cage necessary? Am I missing something about its benefits?

Admittedly, I am curious about this other aspect of the world we occupy.  Men who are caged seem to be freed by it and/or revel in the level of submission it shows.  Why? What does it satisfy for you to be caged? I imagine for most who are already in a committed relationship, that sexual loyalty has little or nothing to do with it.  So I wonder what benefits it has for a relationship of this type? I write these statements realizing the written word has no inflection so I want to clarify that I am not being judgmental or disrespectful but genuinely curious as to the benefits it has to the wearer and the relationship.

This is not a post in which I plan to conclude anything. Perhaps it is a part I of II, but this is a question in my mind and I would like answers from people living this particular version of this thing we do and why.  Comments most welcome.

39 comments:

  1. Hi,
    All I can say is cage him. You think he's a great sub now, just wait till a cage in on him.

    I have talked about this all the time with my wife. She was a little reluctant at first to try male chastity. Well, I've been wearing a belt now for like 8 years. My wife loves everything about the benefits for her and has said she will never go back to having her submissive uncaged.

    I wear the MM Jail Bird. We started with the plastic CBXXXX I would suggest you skip the cheap ones and get a good steel belt.
    What do you to loose?

    Enjoy!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, anonymous. The steel does certainly seem to be the fan favorite. I worry about it practically in airports, as my husband travels. any experience with that?

      Delete
  2. For us, the cage is roughly the F/m equivalent of a wedding ring--a concrete reminder of Miss control over my sexuality that's meaningful to both of us. She says being caged makes me more subservient and focused on her and wears the key around her neck as a reminder to both of us that she controls my sexuality. The particular device she chose is an opaque tube, so I can't touch or even see my junk without her permission. For me, it removes any choice that I might have--unlocked, I probably wouldn't come if she had told me not to, but the cage completely removes that option--it's not my choice anymore, but hers.
    I would be dubious, however, of recommending that your friend cage her husband. This isn't something that makes a bad relationship good--it makes a good relationship better. It's not a fix for a bad relationship nor an instant restorer of trust--that has to come from somewhere else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jim. I see that perspective re my friend. clearly it would have had to be something between them they agreed to, but it is interesting that the emotional component of this is so much stronger than I expected

      do you feel as she does that it improves your subservience?

      Delete
    2. It absolutely does increase my subservience. I'm inspected daily and have to report from work on the status of my cage, and the memory of the key around her neck keeps me in line.

      Delete
  3. As a male submissive I enjoy being caged when it clearly pleases my Mistress. On those days she chooses to cage me it is a unique bond between us. She talks of how she loves thinking of me in it during her work day. I love knowing she has exerted control over me. I find that is makes my day erotic in a way. It makes me focus my thoughts around my mistress all day. I guess to phase it simply it create an intimate bond that we both like and share that is erotic. I personally am rewarded with erotic desire and thoughts of my mistress and also the feeling of being hers it makes me want to please her anyway I can. For us chastity was something I wanted to submit to my mistress to show devotion. She uses it as her mood dictates. I would want more but it is her decision. If my mistress had introduced it to me and I was not comfortable with my submissive side I am not sure how that would go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RB, thanks. That is a great explanation of the benefits you feel.

      Delete
  4. For quite a long time I wondered much the same thing. The answer that came to me by way of emails and comments is that the truly submissive man simply loves the control aspects of being locked. The idea that the wife controls the key is exciting to them. Kthy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kathy. I agree but it is still conceptually difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

      Delete
  5. The best advice might be to follow your wishes as Mistress, regardless of how others feel. My Mistress has chosen not to use a cage on me because she enjoys teasing me and denying me release. She enjoys making me erect in a casual way. She keeps me naked most of the time. She likes the way being naked and at her disposal makes me feel humiliated and owned, and how feeling humiliated and owned makes me sexually excited. I am not allowed to touch myself without her permission, and when i am alone, i obey this rule. I've come to love being denied, and i love the feeling of submission that comes with denying myself pleasure at times when i could easily "cheat." If i do not become erect when she teases me, i will be caned at bedtime -- a risk i prefer not to take. On the occasions when she has granted me release, i found myself afterward feeling hollow and disengaged. I do not like that feeling. Even though i wanted that release more than anything in the world, i also didn't want it -- i wanted to be denied, too. A paradox, but paradox is a central part of consensual slavery. I both love it and hate it. But that's my problem. My Mistress is free to do with me as she pleases, cage or not, regardless of how i or anyone else feels. That's the main thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, brian1. I agree this is always the choice best left to the leader, but obviously I want to explore things I may not have familiarity with while also not doing something that ends up destructive. Seeking perspectives like this really helps to get a good picture.

      Delete
    2. Thank you, Rhiannon. I love your attitude. I guess I was responding to some comments I've read that seem to imply that there is only one best way to do this, and that caging is so good it must be done. That said, my Mistress read my comment (above) and announced that the teasing will continue, but i am not allowed release until spring. I hope the groundhog helps me out on this one! Thanks as always for an outstanding and generous blog.

      Delete
  6. I think your friend should give it a try - that is, cage hubby when he is most tempted to stray and unlock him when he is back at home. I realize that it's not 100% because you can slip most cages off - but I understand they're difficult to get back on. I believe there is a TV show snippet ("Californication" where a wife got a cage for her husband in a relative mainstream show). I'm sure it's on YouTube.

    I enjoy being locked on occasion but my wife only really wants me caged if she is away on an extended trip - it functions as "proof" that I have not masturbated. It definitely makes me feel more submissive when she literally has the key to my happiness. I think she finds that the teasing and attention I crave is too much, so I am not caged that often anymore.

    That's my $0.02.

    Do you engage in orgasm denial with your husband? Is masturbation a "problem" in your relationship? My wife can tell if I have masturbated by my attitude change... perhaps that's another reason it's not "needed" anymore.

    Cheers
    sherulestherooster

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lovetosubmit, thanks for the perspective. My husband is controlled in that arena and I do not worry about it. this was more of a symbolic issue and whether there are benefits I was not thinking about particularly because he does not need the restraint

      Delete
  7. What did your friend say when you suggested the cage for her husband? I am a male Dom with a female sub so I am in a different situation but I think all subs -- male and female -- crave being controlled and strictly controlled. If you slack off and aren't consistent in your demands and discipline, they tend to feel out of sorts. They need to know you take FLM very seriously.
    As far as the benefits of putting a male in a cage, I think most males feel more submissive when they are caged and they need to be kept caged as a sign of their submission. You might not think it is necessary if the male agrees not to masturbate. But agreeing not to and being caged so it is impossible are different things. I understand you are new to all this but I suggest you tell him you are taking FLM to a new level and are going to cage him. If it doesn't work for both of you, you can always stop. But unless you try it, you won't know if it the best thing for both of you. Good luck

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FD, thanks for the insight. My friend actually really liked the idea and she raised it with him, which he accepted outright. I think he wanted to do anything he could to try to save it. Unfortunately, I think the trust issues she has wont be fixed by this. As many others have said, it is more emotional or psychological than anything else.

      I agree trying something is critical to knowing if it works.

      do you have specific methods or symbols you use to particularly enforce the control element? I am always interested to hear from other leaders and what works particularly well.

      Delete
  8. My wife presently has me on the honor system (and I've only had ruined orgasm for the past 16 months, no full orgasms) and I obey her decision.

    However, I have been "caged" before and it adds a whole new dimension. Even though I wouldn't disobey her and masterbate, when I'm caged it gives me a constant reminder that she is in control. It messes with a man's mind. Also, while orgasm denial really improves male behavior, erection denial is a total mind blower. When a man is denied both orgasm and erection, his behavior improvement is exponential.

    Anyway, a cage may not be for everyone, but there are some of the benefits.

    slave j

    ReplyDelete
  9. Rhiannon

    I am sorry not to have contributed to your blog for so long - the truth is that my non-work use of the internet has now been restricted by my wife to Monday mornings. In itself, this is an improvement on the last couple of months, when I have only been able to access the web on three occasions.

    The reason is that my wife likes the focus of my attention to be on her and her requirements. This New Year, she has resolved to ensure that my free time is limited and, to emphasise where she wishes my mind to be, she has also increased the length of time that she requires me to be caged - I have in fact been locked away since the end of 2015, much the longest continuous spell that I have spent in confinement.

    It is certainly not a question of potential faithfulness issues; our FLR is above all founded on our commitment to each other. There is an element of ensuring that I am not tempted to touch what my wife regards as her property, but it is only a small aspect of my wife's reasoning.

    The truth is that she has recognised that with the cage off, I tend to become slightly, but perceptibly, less on point with everything. More sluggish in my responses to her, less prompt in my obedience, perhaps, certainly less focused on what she might want at any point. I am more what she wants me to be when I am wearing it, in summary.

    There are other parts to the answer to your question - my wife is a great believer in the power of the symbolic, for example, and we both enjoy what the cage means when it is locked onto me. Ownership, really, as well as a true commitment to the FLR. (I should perhaps add that it is also my wife's intention to add a simple tattoo to my derriere, resembling a cattle brand, to add further emphasis to the idea of possession.)

    I certainly don't think that a cage is necessary - the collar that you make your husband wear would work just as well, I imagine, although a cage is obviously easier to conceal from enquiring external eyes! For us, though, especially my wife, whose opinion is the one that counts, it fulfils an important dual function as both symbol and reminder.

    A pleasure to read your blog again and hope to contribute further as I am permitted to do so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi James, thanks for taking your limited internet time to respond. That is insightful how the cage impacts your daily activity and awareness. Hope to hear from you again soon!

      Delete
  10. Dear Ms. Rhiannon - thank you for a thoughtful post. I always appreciate reading your commentary on living a female led marriage.

    In response to your current post, I think there is something about the tangible nature of a cage that appeals to men. Actually having something placed on our bodies by our Mistress gives us a sense of being owned and controlled by our Mistress, and also a sense that our Mistress cares enough about us to do this for us.

    I think the collar that you require your husband to wear serves much the same purpose. True, he could put it on and wear it on his own, but I think that you require him to wear it fills a need in him. In my own life my wife does not require me to wear a cage or a collar - though she does not allow me to orgasm or even touch myself without her permission. Having to ask her if I can even touch myself is a humbling experience.

    However, about once a week she "brands" me with a magic marker on one of butt cheeks. When she does this I feel that she is claiming me as her own and that she cares enough for me to claim ownership of me. The feeling I get when I see that brand on me is quite powerful - a feeling of being humbled and owned, but also a feeling of being loved.

    Thank you again for your fine blog. My only hope would be that you wrote more often.

    tom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Tom. Please keep contributing. the brand is such a good idea! I take it you lean toward wanting a cage even if not yet offered to you?

      Delete
  11. I've been caged two years now. You're right, it isn't simple or entirely clear why this practice is useful. I'm not submissive by nature. I never cheated. I did masturbate but was under no prohibition. There was no reason for being caged other than I asked for it.

    I thought that being caged was hot (it is!). It's a form of bondage that is present all the time and I like that. But to both of our surprise this change has made a big difference in our marriage. Intimacy improved and I actually get much more sexual attention (though not orgasms) than I did when wild.

    We've been experimenting with FLR and that has also helped make a good thing better. It's not that she has more authority. It's that she feels freer to let me know what she wants.

    Wearing a cage that only she can open resonates deeply in both of us. It's irrational, but very profound. I am locked up all the time except when she wishes me wild. This isn't a playtime activity for us.

    Almost all guys who are caged asked to be locked up. It almost never comes from the partner. I think that being in a chastity device is a form of surrender, not dominance by the partner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Caged Lion! Good to hear from you again. It really does seem to be a form of surrender and almost a security in knowing that has been accepted. do you have any practical limitations related to wearing it like travel, etc? that actually may be our biggest impediment

      Delete
    2. Travel by air is certainly a problem. There are plastic and silicone CD's that will get through security. None of them are really comfortable for long term wear. A custom cage (I wear a Mature Metal Jail Bird -- 2 years now) will be comfortable enough for full time wear.

      There is absolutely no reason not to be caged unless there is a metal detector in his near future. The solution for that problem is to unlock him before he leaves and have him lock up when he is done with security. A spare key in a sealed envelope can be used for the return trip. Since he can send you pictures any time you want, you can verify he is locked and the key is still safely out of reach. Here is our solution (http://mcj4.us/801). Since then I found a better case and I shrink wrap it to avoid the tamper-evident labels from coming off.

      The only reason other than metal detectors for it to be off unsupervised is doctor visits, sore penis, and other emergencies. My cage has been on over 98% of the time. I'm unlocked (supervised) for edging, shaving, and the occasional orgasm. Enforced chastity is a way of life for us. I am locked for good.

      Delete
  12. I find being caged is something that makes me feel much closer to my wife. I love her and have given her control over my erections and orgasms... So far it has been two months. In that time she has had 41 orgasms while I have had 1 ruined and 4 others. 3 of those others were this past weekend, so orgasms have become rare for me. And yet wearing the cage, I am always thinking of her. I write in a journal daily about my thoughts and horniness as well as my frustration levels and she reads this journal when the mood hits her. Usually within a couple of days of my writing it, though she hasn't read it for the past 10 days. Still, I am completely honest in the journal so she knows exactly what I am feeling. She doesn't want a completely FLR at this time, but is seemingly ok with what we have. We will see if she wants to continue this chastity arrangement after our trial contract is over.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Rhiannon - I think that like the collar your husband wears, the cage is a tangible sign of his submission to his Wife/Mistress. Every time the man feels the collar around his next or the cage on his privates, he is reminded that he is owned by the person in his life he is dedicated to obey, serve and please.
    tom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Tom. I do agree with that. Its interesting to think about how many different signs there are and whether this one would bring a new benefit.

      Delete
  14. Hmm, the cage would keep your friends husband from wandering however if they aren't in a female led relationship it seems that he would not agree to have a cage put on him. If he does then I guess that is a show that he is showing he is willing to prove he will change his ways. My guess is if he isn't submissive putting a cage on him might not work as planned. For me I am not in a cage, well I guess I am, my Mistress has told me "It's mine, its not yours to play with." For us it works, obviously from things I have read we are in the minority on this. For me in a way its more submissive to not wear one, yeah I could cheat and relieve some tension from time to time but she would see right thru my lie if she asked about it. So for me its a stronger test to resist than to not have temptation taken away. As usual though every relationship is different, some guys need the comfort of temptation taken away, some thrive on resisting just because she said so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, clearly that would be his choice. In the end, she decided she could not be with him but it was interesting to see the reaction that it may not have the practical side effect I expected. I suppose it does, b nature, but that the emotional component seems the strongest for caged men

      Delete
  15. While I am not in a cage all the time, I often am and not to stop a masturbatory habit, but because it reminds the two of us of my submission. Like being required to wear pretty panties, for example, it's a constant reminder of my commitment to submission. My wife trusts me...even when I'm in my chastity device, I'm allowed a key "just in case." She knows I'll only remove it because of pain it's causing or I'm in an accident. Like the collar your hubby wears or the ring I wear on my finger, it's a reminder of whose I am...and am glad to be.

    mark

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is the third time I've tried to comment here... Maybe this time it will work. lol
    I find that I feel much closer to my wife when caged. It is the most intimate of things--I've given her control of my erections and orgasms. This is not done lightly and is only done out of a sense of love and adoration. In my job I am in charge of a great deal of people. But I have given that authority to my wife. Whether she chooses to do anything with me and 'her cock' matters not the least.
    So I'm in favour of caging. It is something that definitely stops any cheating--for those inclined--and it also stops masturbation. I haven't masturbated since Mid November when we started this process. So my orgasms have been few and far between--but they've been intense (except for the ruined ones). However I've been privileged to give my wife many many orgasms. At last count, over the same period of time, I've given her 58 orgasms. This also helps to make us closer.
    With the cage I never stop thinking about my wife... she is always in the room with me. Her control is always present.
    Just my disjointed thoughts, but I would promote caging--even if it is only for small periods of time at a time...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Collared Michael, thanks for contributing. I monitor the comments so it can take a few days for me to publish them.

      That is really helpful re the cage. thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  17. I would wonder in your husband would benefit from being caged, would it not help to satisfy his need to be controlled and dominated.

    I enjoy your site, just wish you wrote more often.

    A subject that maybe of benefit to your readers would be how this is handled with the children.


    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks, tdk. I certainly plan to be better about it in the future.

    How an FLR is handled with the children?

    ReplyDelete
  19. First, may I say that I really enjoy this blog--it is difficult to find mature, well-considered treatment of this subject.

    I wear my chastity device most of the time--sometimes my wife decides to give me a rest, and I miss it terribly when she does. I'm not sure why, exactly. I do like the constant reminder of my wife's dominance, the heavy weight between my legs--never uncomfortable but always present. Even the minor annoyance of having to sit to use the toilet is a gentle reminder that I have ceded my sexual function to a loving wife who has much better judgement of how I ay have sex, now only in ways consistent with its sacred character.

    The funny thing is that even without the device I have no interest in masturbation. My previous compulsive urge to masturbate has been replaced with sincere disgust for this repulsive act.

    More amazing, my sexual energy has been totally re-directed towards my wife; I am unable to get an erection without her being present. Best of all, when she does allow me release, my erections are strong enough to have intercourse, something that was not possible when I masturbated daily.

    My wife feels my behavior and submissiveness improve greatly when I wear my device, so it stays on most of the time. It feels strange now not to wear it, so no doubt this is a permanent part of our lives.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I was caged due to my masturbation habits which was not tolerated by my wife. However, we never found a cage that did not cause severe discomfort. As a result, I am on the honor system. My wife checks me periodically for my ability to attain an erection and can easily determine if I have been dishonest. Most often, I willingly admit to breaking the agreement and as a result receive a severe punishment spanking.

    ReplyDelete
  21. as sub male we need to be controlled 24/7. and being caged makes it more real you seem like smart mistress put your sub in a cage you will love it and so will he when he travels he can were a
    plastic cage

    ReplyDelete