It seems that every time I post it begins with a lament of my lack of recent posting. My hope is that followers loyal to this blog will keep reading even when I am slacking on posting. But life is busy and I am human. I also encourage commenters to suggest topics to discuss, as sometimes I am just literally at a loss for words.
Tonight's entry sprung from a real world situation with a good friend, who knows little about this type of life we lead or that I am anything but relatively vanilla. She, rather unfortunately, experienced a serious betrayal by her man. And by serious, I mean serious. They are not in a FLR, though she makes most decisions and is the clear breadwinner. It seems they have just not taken the crucial step of verbally acknowledging who is in charge. This is somewhat irrelevant but just confirms my theory that most relationships have a dominant that is unrecognized between the parties but the relationship would likely benefit greatly if that simple step was taken. Slightly as an aside, but critical to my overarching message, just admit who is in charge. Things are much simpler that way.
In their story, she is hurt deeply by what he has done and he has vowed to do anything to repair it. She struggles with being able to find a way to trust him and not constantly have to monitor him. When she asked what I thought about that, I (admittedly out of nowhere) suggested she propose a cage. Readers of this blog know I have yet to tackle this subject or to really express an opinion on this subject. As with most things in my blog, if that is what you do, then do it and good on you. But for me, I have never really decided whether I think it would work and struggle with the bigger picture benefit we would get from it.
For her, there are clear sexual indiscretions that need to be addressed. In that circumstance, a cage seems absolutely the course to go to fix it. It serves the purpose of keeping a literal lock on his junk and making sure he is not using it outside the home. It also gives her a way to feel secure and know she can trust him without endlessly agonizing over where he is or what he is doing. I get that completely. In my situation, I often wonder as to its usefulness. My husband is loyal to me sexually and otherwise, and he has given up his sexual freedom (personally or with others) by our marriage and particular brand of what we do.
Yet, many men who are not sexually disloyal or would willing give up personal satisfaction if his Mistress required still have a cage. So it raises the question of what that particular act does to strengthen this type of relationship. If my husband agrees to be my submissive in all ways, and I tell him not to masturbate, what separate benefit exists? Perhaps it is feeling owned all the time. But my husband also has a collar that he cannot take off. That acts as his reminder that he belongs solely to me and must remember the tenets we made. Is a cage necessary? Am I missing something about its benefits?
Admittedly, I am curious about this other aspect of the world we occupy. Men who are caged seem to be freed by it and/or revel in the level of submission it shows. Why? What does it satisfy for you to be caged? I imagine for most who are already in a committed relationship, that sexual loyalty has little or nothing to do with it. So I wonder what benefits it has for a relationship of this type? I write these statements realizing the written word has no inflection so I want to clarify that I am not being judgmental or disrespectful but genuinely curious as to the benefits it has to the wearer and the relationship.
This is not a post in which I plan to conclude anything. Perhaps it is a part I of II, but this is a question in my mind and I would like answers from people living this particular version of this thing we do and why. Comments most welcome.
