Today I thought we would discuss the concept of what is "right," and why trying to find that in a FLR (or otherwise) is useless. I hate this phrase in any application. Even in a non-FLR context, the concept of what is right or correct is so uniquely personal that trying to fit into some mold or societal construction will only cause you pain and make you question your own path. Look at how society has changed in the past few decades--what was right even a few years ago could now seem outdated and archaic. Trying to do a one size fits all is destructive and misses the nuances of what this type of relationship should be.
When I first started this journey, I was desperate for answers and some sort of playbook of what I should do. While I certainly am thankful for guidance or perspective in finding this path, trying to fit my own relationship into what others do just does not make sense. For example, I do not cage my husband nor do I necessarily think I would. There are some purists who would see this as a failing on my part as a leader or not recognizing he should or needs to be caged. While that is perfectly fine for someone who chooses that, it is not my choice to do so. But that does not mean I am weak or he is less of a submissive. In fact, it means I am strong enough to make my own decisions about what I want my FLR to look like. Which is quite literally what a female leader should do.
Similarly, my husband once read several articles taking the position that cuckholding was necessary to truly accepting submission. He worried for some time that me not having any interest in that meant he could not truly be submissive. I, however, vehemently disagree. I value specific things in his submission, but being ok with me being with another man is just not one of them. In fact, I have no interest nor do I think that would enhance my particular brand of dominance. So it is a hard limit for me. I do not say this to judge anyone who believes that or thinks it works (because I do not- live your lives, do what makes you happy), but it is important to note that what works for some does not mean it has to work for you. And not doing something someone else thinks is important does not mean what you choose is any less right for you.
Particularly when first starting out, the tendency is to worry you are not doing what is right or that you are not somehow immediately understanding every possible permutation of this complicated life. It is pretty unfair to expect someone new to this could ever figure it all out immediately, and in fact, it is likely always an evolution so nothing will ever be unequivocally "right." I guess my point is that if you are starting out, or even if you have been practicing for some time, do not try to have all the answers. Do not try to fit your FLR to some "norm," as no norm exists.
Each relationship is different. Some people use DD as punishment and some do not; some have chore lists and some just expect it to be done; some require use of a title like Mistress while others do not need that or like it; some believe the female driving shows leadership whereas others see him driving as a form of submission; some control money or privacy much more than others, and the list of differences could keep an FLR encyclopedia salesmen busy like it was the 80s.
Here, what is important to remember is that what is right is specific to each relationship. It is something you, as a leader, have to figure out--what works for you and what is important to you? How do you want to discipline or assign chores or run your house? And similarly, what works for your submissive husband? What is the way he feels most submissive, what does he react best to, etc. I do not mean to suggest you cannot learn things from others; rather, I believe the opposite is true. I enjoy learning from others or hearing what other people do, but trying to measure myself against what some other leader does gets me nowhere. We should rely on each other for guidance and perspective but not that one true path exists.
In earlier posts I talked about just deciding to lead for a specific period of time and kind of running with it. I think this is the best way to start. Decide to lead and lead-- in a way that works best for your family, not some archetypal female led relationship. And while so many in this community have excellent insights into what works for them, or what has been difficult, ultimately your journey is your own.
I encourage all of us to communicate and discuss different trial/tribulations/things that work because there are so many fascinating perspectives that can help you to be better/stronger/more submissive (whichever perspective). But, I recommend not getting caught up or discouraged when what you do or works for you may not be what works for everyone else. One size fits all works for panty hose (usually), not a serious adult relationship involving very personal needs and desires. So figure out what you want/need and forge your own path. Don't get bogged down in following what is "right."
